How, oh how, do I begin to thank each and every one of you?
To know there are so many people sending good wishes
and praying for my full return to health is very humbling.
Prayer chains, small group prayers and individual prayers...
being said on my behalf is a clear indication of your caring
and loving ways...AND your belief in the power of prayer.
I am eternally grateful!

The life of one who suffers from deep depression is very difficult.
To an outsider looking at you they see a normal person who does not
look ill...no cast for a broken arm, loss of hair after chemo, etc.
They think you are just fine...but you are not.  Inside you is a
great pain they do not see.  Emotionally, mentally and physically
you are hurting.  Tortuous thoughts go through your head and
you lose all self-esteem, courage, and ability to cope.
You lose your interest in everything, have difficulty
doing the simplest of tasks, feel alone and unworthy of living.

I feel like I'm in an abyss...the darkest place imaginable.
It is so dark I don't see the light.
 I totally rely on my faith that God will bring me through this
shadow of the valley of death by holding my hand,
and also my family who take care of me with their
gentle and unconditional love.

I mentioned to one of the authors, whose writings I have
shared with you on Living Each Day, that I felt like I was in this
deep, deep hole and I couldn't get out. Each new stress was like
having a shovel of dirt thrown down on me further darkening
the hole. His reply was something like this: When a shovelful comes
down on you, stomp it down with your feet...do this again and again.
As you continue to stomp down the dirt you will begin to come closer
to the top of the abyss/hole and you will once again see the light.
He promised he would keep on shoveling if I would keep on  stomping.
Well, he has been faithful and I am closer to the top...I'm beginning
to see some light. Some days are better than others, but it is a
"rising out of" and not a "deepening" of my depression.
Thank you, my friend.

Of course, a new doctor has helped as well.
Most of us do things our way...and her way is not better...
just different than the previous doctor...but that difference is helping me.
I'm no longer taking so many medications but have added two
that appear to be what I need right now. There will be more changes
in my medications as the days and weeks go by.  It took 4+ years
to hit the bottom and it will take time to rise back to the top!
 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PART IN THIS BEGINNING OF MY RECOVERY!!!!

With much love, Adelle
July, 2007

 

Midi playing ~ "Give Thanks"

© 2007 Adelle North

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